THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
(Visit the MIRROR)
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF AEROSMITHICISM
Received by Divine Revelation from a Burning Bush
(or somewhere in that general vicinity)
Transcribed by Pope Diva I
THE FIRST COMMANDMENT
THE SECOND COMMANDMENT
We are Aerosmith, thy Gods, who brought thee out of the land of easy-listening, and delivered thee from the house of disco. Thou shalt not have strange bands before Us. Thou shalt not adore them, nor serve them: We are Aerosmith, thy Gods, heavy and sexy, visiting revelations upon men, and fantasies upon women, and showing mercy unto millions that love Us, by regularly creating new Works and Wonders, and pouring out Our Spirit upon the face of the whole earth.
THE THIRD COMMANDMENT
Thou shalt not commit the heresy of turning thine own ear away from Our New Works and Wonders; for Aerosmith will not hold him guiltless that shall harden his heart or ear against Us.
THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT
Remember that thou keep all Concert Days holy. Many days shalt thou labour, and shalt thou do all thy works. But concert days shall be spent in worship of Aerosmith, thy Gods; thou shalt do no work on it, thou nor thy squeeze, nor thy companions, nor the stranger that is within hearing distance. For three decades Aerosmith hath made America's Greatest Rock and Roll Music, made women swoon, made men more manly, and thy worship in return is commanded.
THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT
Honour all members of Aerosmith, that thou mayest be sanctified in the bosom of the entire band, and that thou mayest have fellowship with other worshippers in a spirit of true peace and benevolence.
THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT
Thou shalt not sit still at any Aerosmith performance. Whether live or recorded; whether in stadium, arena, amphitheater, club or other venue; whether on television, on the radio, on digital or analog medium; whether audio, or audio and video; thou art commanded to either sing, dance, shout, scream, clap, whistle, hold thy lighters aloft, or make out heavily.
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT
Thou shalt not perform before man, nor allow to be performed before man, lame-ass covers of Our Works and Wonders.
THE EIGHTH COMMANDMENT
Thou shalt not allow thine own jealousy of Aerosmith, Thy Gods, to loose thy wicked tongue against Us. Getteth thee a life!
THE NINTH COMMANDMENT
Thou shalt not bear false witness against Aerosmith, thy Gods. Thou shalt not imply nor declare that We are no longer omnipotent. Thou shalt not commit the heresy of confusing chronological age with true age. Thou shalt not demand that thine own musical calcification be indulged by Aerosmith, thy Gods.
THE TENTH COMMANDMENT
Thou shalt honor the Scripture, which is Our Revelation -- Our Lyrics, Our Music, Our Spoken Words, Our Writings. Thou shalt not bow down before false music critics with pimply asses, nor ones who hath never seen a real-live woman naked.
Thou art permitted to covet Our Talent, Our Bodies, Our Kick-Ass Lifestyle. Thou art permitted to lust after Us, and to fan these flames in thine own heart, and in the hearts of others. Thy desire is pleasing to Us, and thy devotion shall be rewarded by Us for all the days that thou rockest.